Wednesday, September 26, 2018

relapse...

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So I thought that having cancer the first time was the worst thing in the world. Having to 
leave my son and be sick and not know what I was looking forward to day in and day out. Everyone telling me " you're so strong" but having no clue how that was going to help me in this situation. The unknown is the hardest part of all this. yeah I've had 7 brain surgeries and I've been through very many things in my life but i was never ready for cancer. I never thought I was able to see the finish line the first time ad was so beyond happy that I did but to hear those words " RELAPSE" just beat me right in my chest. 

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I think devastated is an understatement. I already know the treatment that I have to go through and I know how hard it is going to be on my little boy. The worst thing for me is having to leave my son home after feeling fine for the past 6 months. Its so upsetting. I know the pain i will have to endure. I know the aches i will go through and all the medication i will have to take. The bills that will pill up and the stress that goes along with it. 

This time around is a little different as i have to have a stem cell transplant, and i'm stressing over that a little bit. they are looking for a donor match for me that is a 10/10 match.But i know it will happen because my moms job is hosting a bone marrow drive so i have faith that i will find a match!!   

I go back and forth every day with happy and sad feelings its such a head rush. I try to  stay positive but its hard to sometimes. I know i went through this before but the feelings will never go away.
.. it truly doesn't help when people say 'oh you've done it before you can do it again'- i just wanna say  "o yeah Susan you smashed your can into a tree you did it before you can do it again!! like having cancer is something you can just go "do"
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what would you be feeeling???

Being diagnosed with cancer isn’t easy, and unless you have been in that situation its hard to understand. Imagine living your life,...